Over the past two years, I have transformed my wardrobe. Most of the clothes I now wear on a daily basis are made by members of our extended American family. I wear Wigwam socks, Allen Edmonds shoes, Jack Donnelly khakis and Brooks Brothers shirts. When I have to go to court, I wear Hart Schaffner Marx or Joseph Abboud suits. All appeared well, at least on the outside. But below, in the nether regions, there was trouble.
I have always been a boxer man. Try as I might, I couldn’t find any American made boxers. My nether regions were chaffing under the yoke of my foreign-made boxers. They demanded change. It was like the 99% protests all over again. The nether regions wanted to get in on my Buy American campaign. So I was overjoyed when I discovered that Flint and Tinder had begun to offer American made boxers. I called the nice people at Flint and Tinder and asked them if they would ship me a pair of American made boxers to take for a test drive. They gladly sent me a pair and all was well until I read the fine print on the boxers. They were made from woven bamboo! Memories of how itchy I would get when cutting bamboo flooded my brain. My nether regions were particularly apprehensive. I washed my Flint and Tinder bamboo underwear, and then gingerly slipped them on, awaiting the worst.
I am happy to say my fears about my bamboo boxers were completely unfounded. They are incredibly soft and fluffy and I have experienced nary an itch when wearing them. I was so happy with my bamboo boxers that I ordered three more pairs immediately. My nether regions rejoiced as I sent my old foreign-made boxers packing. While I was ordering my new bamboo boxers, I also noticed some very reasonably priced khaki style pants, so I ordered an olive and blue pair of Flint and Tinder tough slacks as well.
Ever since my Flint and Tinder bamboo boxers have arrived, my nether regions have been tranquil. They no longer kvetch about being left out of my domestically produced clothing effort. And that’s a good thing. As everyone knows, if the nether regions are unhappy they don’t keep quiet about it. And nobody wants that.